I’m a comedian, which means I haven’t had to develop grown-up skills. Every year, I tell myself I’m gonna get my shit together, but then my brain gets Zapped and I get distracted for the rest of the year.

I eat garbage, I don’t exercise, I waste entire days thinking about how to waste the day. I’m not accountable to anyone else, I’m free range, and that’s the problem. I need a boss, someone to answer to, for my personal life. So, now it’s you. You’re hired, way to go.

For the next year, I’m putting the internet in charge of my life. Every Tuesday, I’ll post a list of things I could do that week, your votes are gonna decide what I do. Am I gonna work out? Am I gonna visit old people at a retirment home? Am I gonna learn to cook? Am I gonna kick a field goal for the first time in 25 years? You’re the boss, you tell me.

I’ll be keeping you updated on my progress with posts and videos at For the next 365 days, you’re my boss. You can’t be worse at it than I am.